Donors · 7 min read
Finding a known sperm donor — without putting your future family at risk
Many families building through at-home insemination use a known donor rather than a sperm bank. Donors are often found through matching apps, online communities, or mutual friends. This path can work well, but the medical and legal screening a clinic would normally handle now falls to you. Here is a clear, non-judgmental guide to doing it safely.
Where families typically look
- Known-donor matching apps (Just A Baby, Modamily, PollenTree) offer profiles and in-app messaging, but vetting varies widely. Treat every profile as unverified until you confirm it yourself.
- Facebook groups and online forums are large and fast-moving, but usually have no formal screening. Expect to do all verification yourself.
- Friends and chosen family can be the highest-trust option, but they also carry the most legal complexity if you skip a formal agreement.
Required medical screening before any donation
Ask for results in writing, dated within the last 3 months, from the donor's own clinician — not screenshots from the donor. At minimum, request:
- HIV 1 & 2 (4th gen Ag/Ab)
- Hepatitis B surface antigen + Hepatitis C antibody
- Syphilis (RPR or treponemal)
- Gonorrhea + Chlamydia (urine NAAT)
- CMV IgG / IgM
- Semen analysis (count, motility, morphology) — optional but useful
Repeat STI testing before every new donation cycle, even if the donor is a close friend.
The donor agreement — non-negotiable
Without a written agreement, your state may treat a known donor as a legal parent — with custody and child-support implications for everyone. A family-law attorney can draft this once for roughly $300–$800. It should cover:
- Donor relinquishes parental rights and responsibilities
- Recipient(s) are the sole legal parent(s)
- Contact expectations (none, occasional, or known-at-18)
- What happens if the donor's identity is discovered later
- Confirmation that no payment beyond reasonable expenses was exchanged (state-dependent)
Red flags to walk away from
- Refuses to share recent STI results from a clinician
- Pressures "natural insemination" (NI) — this is sex, not donation, and it dramatically raises legal and STI risk
- Asks for payment beyond reasonable expenses
- Won't sign a donor agreement
- Has fathered an unknown or very large number of children (genetic and ethical concerns)